Of Mouse, Fish, and Confusion

Update 3 (I'm not sure if this is correct because I'm losing count). But, I must begin this update by saying that it's been an interesting and productive week of flowing and growing in my dating world. After calling out of nowhere, the Fish showed up in my driveway out of nowhere saying, "I'm tired of driving by this house and not being able to stop and talk." Uhm, what?! That's a very interesting statement from a fish who tried to pretend for months that we were just friends and tried to ignore the fact that a lot more was developing between us. His biggest argument the past week has been that I issued an ultimatum and he doesn't do ultimatums. My response to that is that I never issued an ultimatum, I only stated what I couldn't do anymore. I never ever told him that he had to do something different or else. Anyone who knows me well, knows that that's not me because I strongly believe in free will i.e., "Grown People Are Going to Do What They Want to Do. Period the End." It doesn't matter what you do or say, they make their own decisions. Thus, I would never issue anyone an ultimatum. We have agreed to disagree on that point and he did concede to the fact that I issued my ultimatum without drama and in a very nice way, but it was still an ultimatum in his mind.

What has struck me most with the fish in the past week is his willingness finally to acknowledge what I was saying before I cut off contact with him and his willingness to actually engage in conversation about us being more than just friends. I'm still not sure what the outcome will be in the end, but I'm excited for the journey. I have no preconceived notions that this is going to be an uneventful and easy journey. I know the fish isn't going down without a fight and right now he's battling with himself, which is the hardest battle to fight most times. Even with all that being said, I haven't been this excited about the possibility of a new relationship in a very long time. It also didn't hurt that we sealed the beginning of these conversations with a kiss which made my heart beat fast and my stomach flutter. I haven't felt that with anyone in at least 10 years, so that in itself makes this all very promising for me.

As for the mouse, we have been on our 3rd date since he reappeared and as with every date, we had a great time. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each others' company. I did have to ask him to unplug from the Blackberry and iPhone last night and to please focus on the date. I was surprised to hear him say after I asked him to do that, that he realizes that it's time to take some irons out of the fire and slow down because he isn't getting any younger. As it always is with the mouse, it was easy, comfortable, unstressful, and enjoyable. We ended another date with a hug and still no kiss with plans to see each other again soon. Even though the mouse took me to my fav restaurant last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the date, there were still no fireworks, fluttering, excitement. I often wonder if this is the case because he and I have been in and out of each others' lives for almost 17 years and in my mind it's like, been there done that and doing it again for the 100th time. So, now the question for the mouse becomes can he rekindle the excitement for me that I used to feel or does that really even matter at our ages?

I'd like to end this blog by stating that I am so enjoying just dating. I don't feel stressed by either situation and actually feel that dating both men will help me sort out what I'm really looking for in a committed, adult, and mature relationship. They both have strengths as well as areas that they could both improve. At this age and stage in the game, I've learned that we all need improvements and there will never be perfect people or relationships. What I need to decide is what needed improvements can I live and deal with on the daily. I think having 2 different people to compare to each other helps us to really determine what it is we're seeking in a significant other and our relationships. Hope you enjoyed this update, and I am quite sure there will be lots more to come in the near future.

Live, love, and laugh as loud and as hard as you can!