Validation

I haven't written a blog in so long. I've been crazy busy and every time I sat down to write one, I couldn't get focused. I guess having the past few weeks off for break has cleared my mind so that I can write. I'm starting this blog with a question that I've been thinking about for the past week or so:

Why do couples feel that they need validation for their relationship from others, or maybe the more accurate question would be, why do people feel that couples need their validation?

I've been happily dating and developing a relationship with a significant other for the past few months. It's been a great time of us really connecting and getting to know each other and just enjoying the process of becoming. Whatever that becoming turns into. What I've noticed as we've developed is that the more we do, the more others feel the need to try to validate what's going on between us for us. I will be honest in saying that at one time in my life, validation from others about my relationships were high on my priority list, but at this age and stage in my life, the only validation that I need about my relationships (with a significant other or even my friendships) is from me and the person(s) that are engaged in the relationship.

While it's nice to know what others think, their opinions really can't determine what you and someone else have because everyone's relationship is different and people operate differently within their relationships. What's working for one couple, may not necessarily work for you and your significant other. What I've learned this time around is that what I needed in a relationship and from others at 22 and 32 is totally different from what I need 42. The number 1 difference being that I don't need others to validate my relationship by telling me that we're okay or he's okay and that he seems good for me. It's nice when your family and friends can get along with your significant other, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who can make you happy, no one else.

What I know at 42 is that I know me. I know who I am as a woman. I know what I want out of life, career, and relationships. I know where my life is headed. I know that I've accomplished most of what I've set out to accomplish. I know that I love and like myself and the way I've chosen to live my life. I know that I've been on a journey to live a real and transparent life and that I own everything about me: good, bad and ugly. Because what I know for sure is that if I don't own it all, I can't continue to grow, mature and become better. So, when I look it all over, I know at 42 what I didn't know at 22 and 32, all the validation that I need for myself and for my relationships are within me. I validate it because finally, I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to validate who I am as a: woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend etc. And when you reach this stage in the game, that's the best validation and all the validation that is needed.

Be blessed blogosphere and happy new year!